.. Anxiety.
Ugh, I'm so stressed out. I think I will vent.
Christmas: money - gifts - money - parties - money - cards - money (Need I say more?)
The house: moving - inspections - boxes - problems - bills - more boxes
Work: sales - goals - sales - goals - sales - goals - bonus?
That's not even the half of it. I look back and I think, I am so blessed.
I'm 19 years old and:
- engaged to best person I've ever been with
- building the nicest house I've ever lived in
- working at a place where I have my own office and making the best paycheck I've ever made
- driving the nicest vehicle I've ever had
I mean there is so much going on in my life right now that some people would look at me and wonder why I'm complaining. I feel so bad because I don't want to come across as if I'm not appreciative or grateful because I am, but when I take a look at all that God has done for me, I just worry about when it's all gonna come crashing down.
Maybe that doesn't make sense for some people, but seriously I catch myself thinking about stories you see on tv where it's like:
"They had it all.. until, etc."
And I'm like, "Oh no!" because I seriously feel like life could not be much better for me right now and I just worry about where it will go from here.
Don't get me wrong, things are not perfect, but I know that God is really blessing me at this point in my life and I don't want something to happen to where it all gets taken away. I guess that's where I become selfish. It's like, now that I have more, I want to keep it.
I guess only people who are anxious and over analyze things like me would understand that. I know it's weird.
It's kinda crazy too, I don't think I've even talked to anyone about this and here I am venting about everything on blogspot. :\
---Always, Randa---
Ugh, I'm so stressed out. I think I will vent.
Christmas: money - gifts - money - parties - money - cards - money (Need I say more?)
The house: moving - inspections - boxes - problems - bills - more boxes
Work: sales - goals - sales - goals - sales - goals - bonus?
That's not even the half of it. I look back and I think, I am so blessed.
I'm 19 years old and:
- engaged to best person I've ever been with
- building the nicest house I've ever lived in
- working at a place where I have my own office and making the best paycheck I've ever made
- driving the nicest vehicle I've ever had
I mean there is so much going on in my life right now that some people would look at me and wonder why I'm complaining. I feel so bad because I don't want to come across as if I'm not appreciative or grateful because I am, but when I take a look at all that God has done for me, I just worry about when it's all gonna come crashing down.
Maybe that doesn't make sense for some people, but seriously I catch myself thinking about stories you see on tv where it's like:
"They had it all.. until, etc."
And I'm like, "Oh no!" because I seriously feel like life could not be much better for me right now and I just worry about where it will go from here.
Don't get me wrong, things are not perfect, but I know that God is really blessing me at this point in my life and I don't want something to happen to where it all gets taken away. I guess that's where I become selfish. It's like, now that I have more, I want to keep it.
I guess only people who are anxious and over analyze things like me would understand that. I know it's weird.
It's kinda crazy too, I don't think I've even talked to anyone about this and here I am venting about everything on blogspot. :\
---Always, Randa---
4 comments:
Ok, so here is why I think you are having these thoughts...
You are not used to having such nice things (as neither am I). You know how hard you and Bryan have worked to get where you are now, and you don't want that f'ed up. It would be much different if it were all just handed to you. You are very appreciative of what you have because you have worked for it. Think of it this way though, if for some reason God does take it all away from you...you will be devastated for a while, but at least you will have your family and friends. You will build everything back up that you have now, maybe even more so.
Just know that I love you girl, and you know that I am always here if you need to talk or "vent" :).
____Luv ya_____
Lacey
Thanks guh.. I appreciate that.. I think I was just dropped on my head when I was a baby. :)
I think once you move into your new house your nerves and all the stress will go away.. You are lucky to have everything you have! Things could be worse. You could be one of Britney Spears' kids.
Oh no.. that would suck!
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